Becoming Maggie...

Mostly grandpa I interviewed..

It was sad though to see him cry

He is a strong old guy and it realy broke my heart.

But hey it shows im human\\

Also i was being really nice today to ethan and of course hes in a crabby mood-I rebuke you satan!

I have changed from the inside out-My testimony

I don’t want to get caught in the past but I also think it is important to know what you have come from.  I was born in Schaumburg technically Hoffman Estates IL. My mom was married to my dad and they lived in a 3 bedroom one floor home, with a cherry tree and trampoline in the back. As I grew up I thought I was pretty close in relationships to both my mom and dad.  They both spoiled me, the best they could. My dad was good at getting me the “Cool Stuff” like a pager,cell phone and electronics. My mom was good at making sure I had what I needed and always supported my interests.

My parents had gotten a divorce when I was a couple years old. My mother took care of me. And soon was engaged to be married for the second time to Jeff Estopellan. We then moved out of my grandma and grandpas house in Clairedon hills IL and went to Plainfield. There we lived in a 2 bedroom duplex. Then my mom found out she was pregnant (before marriage.) Ethan was born I had a brother! But he was not my only sibling , I had 3 step sisters that lived in Vegas. Their names were Jayna, Danay and Lyric. Soon Jayna got married and had a baby (parker lily Neilson.) Then danay was pregnant (with Sedona Scott Larsen) and was getting married. While Lyric was baking cupcakes.

We then moved into Aurora (which later Danay has another baby girl and named her after our city!)

Ethan and I had been going to Montessori schools our whole lives and then my mom decided to Homeschool us! This was a very appreaciated choice,by me. She has homeschooled me since 3^rd grade. I love it. I was allowed to explore my interest even more than Montessori.

At this time I was seeing my dad every other weekend and held much bitterness towards Jeff and his daughters. I believed many horrible things about them like that he scared my dad away. I have now let those feeling go and do my best to respect authority.

My dad hadn’t been making all the best choices any daddy’s girl would hope he’d make.

He was married 3 times before my mom-He hit my mom before I was born. But I won’t get into detail because the forgiveness I have shown upon my dad would collide with the information I have even though it is a fact. Recently in my life-Around august 2011 …

I had gotten a call from my wonderful step mom Samantha-she explained what had happened that afternoon in Indiana (where her and my dad lived-along with her 2 sons Nehemiah and Noah)

My dad had hit her because of a fight they were in-I do not remember what she said the fight was about but it had to do with him leaving and that she said she wanted a divorce. They were in the boys bedroom in their small apartment. He knocked her down and she had bruises. Her sons witnessed this happen through a hole in their door where the doorknob was supposed to be.

She eventually pressed charges due to his stalking and creepiness. And got a two year order of protection after the first months one expired. She got a divorce officially in December.

At that point as you could imagine I was freaking out. I was having a mixture of emotions. I was scared, scarred, disipointed, hurt, lonely, angry, weakened, upset and much more. The last thing I was feeling was happy. And that took a hold of me-I noticed people started calling me sad or would try to make me smile. As if it was their goal in life. I would be angry and confused because I didn’t feel sad. I often blamed it on my lips as they point downward. So it was an excuse. But as you know excuses get you nowhere.

My mom went to court to get full custody of me and she succeeded. At the time I was happy and glad we won that round. But later I began to really miss my dad and I would hear songs on the radio about dads and daughter bonding and dancing at the daughters wedding. And occasionally my mom would bring it up, and I would push her away.  I was afraid she would feel bad when it wasn’t her fault.

Now she’s in court to get more funds but he’s hiding money so there is a lot of drama.

As for me I have decided as of April 3^rd 2012 that I am forever changed-Heart Soul and Body!

God has cleansed me,purified me and made me whole again. He has given me insight from reading books, watching the Duggars show, and giving me the tools with the help of a counselor and everyone around me.

I am comfortable in my skin-Happily paraben free-vegetarian-and picky-

I have decided to love myself AS IS –and not to nag myself about every little thing I want to change about myself.

Because God made me wonderfully and If he is happy, I’m happy!

I have decided also that I will stop being materialistic, Selfish,Mean to my brother,Obsessed with how I look, to forgive the people that wronged me or that I misjudged. And to do my best in furthering Gods Kingdom which really is the only reason we are on this earth. And if I’m spending my time looking in the mirror how will I know what its like outside. And if I’ve locked myself in my room how will I ever make any friends. If I’m too scared to wreck my face to TRY hurdles..Why on earth am I even in track?!

I believe that God has answered my prayer and HAS searched my heart and soul, has healed and restored me and made me new again.

And I know I’m not perfect so if you could please do me a favor and not nag me about myself that would be awesome.. Please know that I am doing my best! And that today April 3^rd of 2012 –Is a new year for me and I hope that you now understand me and know that I don’t mean to be awkward when I’m introduced to you or I’m not ignoring you and I’m not snobby. I am just a person that is changing her heart to a more Christ like example for the rest of the earth.  I’m sorry if I have ever done anything to hurt you and if you could tell me- I would really like to make it right. And I have learned that EVERYBODY God put in your life, He put there for a reason. And I’m not about to have a debate with the king of kings.

The point of my testimony is not to make you feel bad for me or even angry at me, but to tell you the truth of what I’ve come from which is dust-and what I’m becoming..

And I thank you for all the support you have given me. And For acknowledging my existence.  ~Maggie Farquhar~

I’m so tired of people complaining about me /my habits-Mostly my mom and other person.

My mom always reminds me “You’ll answer to God..”

“You’ll be judged”

“I’m not your judge”

(things like that) Along with “stop beig so rude to your brother” Move on” “Dont be so rude” “Go make some friends” “you need to be…” Stop being so…” “Dont be like that”

“You need to stop being so self centered” Quit looking in the mirror”  ”Take shorter showers” “do you have any idea how self centered you sound?” 

ALL DAY<EVERYDAY<365-6 DAYS A YEAR<MOSTLY NOW ALL OF A SUDDEN<NAG NAG NAG NAG NAG-No wonder people tell me i act depressed

With someone so negetive chirping all the time-Not suprised

I decided its time to change  myself-Not my personality<individuality<Uniqueness<Etc.

I’m going to daw a map then upload it..

With everything I want to change but the above-And with help from my councilor I will follow steps to make those habits go AWAY!!!

Things such as forgiving certain people,Stop nail biting,LEarning to actually relax,Express myself and much much more-It might take me the rest of the year or less -hopefully just a few months

So far i haven’t spent one penny of the loose change i’ve been saving since the new year(A resolution) -Tough ive been tempted-because i counted it and its like $10-$15 bucks-

But i really need to not be a failure at one thing at least:/

I’ve been grounded the past week for throughing a fit and not going to a open house that i had already been to..UGH!

Grounded from laptop-internet etc. and worst sims 3:(

And from seeing friends at all it was kinda tretourous ..

Oh well.. I obviously got off a day early for good behavior;)

would be ungrounded tomarrow but nope today! yay!

I have started a photography business and thought i’d let my empty blog know that m looking for models and other than that my site is compleate!

its;    maggiemaephoto.weebly.com

Ive got a little workbook,but im almost done with it..im really tight on money right now and am trying to save up..so im not looking for products that arent free printouts.

Im pretty stuck and I dont know what to do

-Hopeless blogger:/